Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Story of a 30 Year Old Loser

Surprise!!!! Thirty years is smacking me in the face with a very cruel and sharp sting. I'm older, fatter, uglier than ever before and everyday I wake up reminded of that as I walk in to a kitchen strewn with my roommates previous night's pizza entrails, the alcohol bottles of her 21 year old self discovery phase stacked in the open spaces in the room. Yes, I share an abode with a couple of 21 year olds. Every day I'm faced with the realization that this is what I have created for myself. Instead of making my path into a nice little townhouse that I keep, I wasted my years into a pig sty for a whopping $450 a month, which is almost more than my pity job can afford. I see my peers from school in differing phases of their own lives. Some, share my lack of glamour. And then there are the ones that I thought I would be in the company of. The achievers. The doers. I dreamt of great things when I was younger. Now, I can barely remember a single one of them. I try to figure out where I would like to take this detour. I convince myself that I am fashionably late in my arrival to adulthood. That, this is the road I meant to take. This is how I envisioned my struggle to greatness to be. Again, it's a harsh reality when I force myself to the truth. I'm here because I'm lazy. The greatness I once possessed has washed down the gutter and been replaced with a boneyard of aspirations. Now, reader, don't take this as a pathetic ploy for anything. I am here, I acknowledge it. I'm trying again to dream. I'm trying to discover where I can get find the water to nourish a blossom of hope for the next decade of this existence. So, for my 30th birthday wish, I wish for unfleeting motivation, for an inkling of a plan, for a little courage to start on the path, and for a taste of the greatness I know I was destined for.

1 comment:

Ahkenaten Kor said...

Excellent post... I felt like that after college. I worked so hard just to end up with a Liberal Arts degree, which I found is about the same as a high school diploma in the eyes of employers. I spent months and months being rejected from jobs, until I found myself waking up every morning watching Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. It was such a great drug to see people who I could compare myself to and say "Yeah, I suck. But at least I'm not cheating on my girlfriend with a sheep named Lacy".

Even as far as early as last year, I hated my position in life. I felt so much better than the people around me, and yet there I was amongst them. The truth, if you want to know, is that that feeling is a good thing. It's the people who are comfortable with mediocrity that don't feel the way people like myself or (presumably) people like you. Having that feeling is the first step to success. The next step, and this is where the real turning point lies, is what one does with that feeling. Do they take a risk, invest in themselves, and reach for the next level? Or do they allow their current situation to bring them down and keep them there so that they will always be one of those people that "should be more than what they are". I ecided to get into real estate and, within 5 years, I plan to be retired from all my crappy jobs. It feels good, and I hope you get that feeling too...